


make a wish

by wallyedmund (RangerDew)



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Alternate Universes, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Canon, Wishing Star Mechanics, actually implied/referenced is nice the whole story is about suicide, its fairly happy, the main characters dont die dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23062723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RangerDew/pseuds/wallyedmund
Summary: "A stone found in the Galar region with a mysterious power. It's said that your dreams come true if you find one." - Pokemon Sword and ShieldBede and Hop go on a journey to end their lives.
Relationships: Beet | Bede & Hop
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	make a wish

**Author's Note:**

> suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255
> 
> just in case anyone needs it.

The Slumbering Wield is beautiful in the afternoon. Gold light streams down and lights Hop’s face. The waters in front of him are calm and clear. It’s a fairy tale setting, and Hop almost feels bad for ruining it.

But this is the only place he’d feel safe dying in.

He takes a deep breath, in and out. This is the endgame. There’s no going back after this, but there’s also nothing he wants to go back to. 

His heart is pounding at a million miles an hour. He takes a tentative step foward.

_ Wait.  _

At the sudden voice he swivels around, expecting to see maybe a Gloria, or maybe a random curious passerby who’s taking pity on him. Then he’ll cry, they’ll have a little chin-wag where Hop explains how useless and alone he is, and then in the end he’ll either step down and concede or apologize and jump anyway. Probably the latter. There is nothing left for him.

However, it’s not a person. It’s a Pokemon. It’s large and blue and wolflike, with a majestic air to it. There’s a rather large sword in its mouth. 

There goes Hop’s entire scenario. He might as well just jump at this point.

_ You cannot jump. Not yet. _

That’s rich. The Pokemon is trying to save his life. Under any other circumstances, Hop thinks he would be elated. There’s a legendary Pokemon talking to him. He muust be so special, so chosen. Now, thouhg, it just feel sdisingenuous. 

His mouth moves faster than his brain. “Why not?”

The wolf looks angry, if only just for a second.  _ You are on my land. Therefore, you must abide by my rules before you die here. _

Hop swallows. He’s not sure he likes where this is going. “What rules?”

  
The wolf’s eyes are boring into him.  _ There is a boy,  _ it says carefully,  _ who has recently passed on my brother’s land.  _

Hop shuffles his feet. “...And?”

The wolf kicks over to him a rock, small and glowing dully red.

_ You must collect a thousand of these,  _ it says,  _ to restore the life in him. _

It’s a Wishing Piece. Hop knows because he’s one of the lucky ones that has one on his very wrist. 

They’re rare. Really rare. And even if they weren’t, they’re typically only found in Galar’s deepest mines. Hop couldn’t go in and hunt for them.

_ I know what you are thinking,  _ the wolf interrupts.  _ They are rare in your world, yes, but not in his. _

“The boy who died?” Hop asks, though it’s fairly obvious already.

The wolf doesn’t say anything, simply lifts its sword and takes a few steps back. Then, in a flash, it slices the empty air. A rift appears, and expands, and expands. The wolf steps back, looks at it’s handywork, and then turns to Hop expectantly. 

Hop suddenly feels very small. “You want me to go to another  _ world?”  _

The wolf looks a bit sad, now.  _ Yes,  _ it simply says.

Hop’s feet won’t move. What if he never comes back? He’d kind of grown fond of this world as a result of, you know, being born and living and growing up in it. Could he stand being stranded in another world? Could he stand not seeing this exact sight again?

_ What does it matter?  _ a bitter voice hisses.  _ You’re going to die anyway. You weren’t going to see  _ any  _ of this again.  _

That’s just enough to spark a flame of anger in him. 

He was going to go through with it, wasn’t he? So why does he care about this? Just another step in the long process of dying. For once in his life, Hop just has to be a little self-destructive. The world around him has already been razed to the ground.

“Okay,” he says. Somehow, he feels like the wolf already knows.

He wrings his hands, and takes a step forward into the rift.

Everything turns white. 

  
  


\--

  
  


Finally.

Bede is so, so tired.

He has a razor pressed to his wrist. He closes his eyes. Any minute now.

He hears the faint cry of a Hatenna in the distance. He’s sorry he has to ruin its forest, but this is the quietest place to die. He also just doesn’t quite care about how the Pokemon feel anymore. His deady body will get cleaned up within a month, if they’re lucky. They won’t have to live with his stench for long. 

The razor bites deeper into the skin, somewhat to Bede’s satisfaction. Good, good. It will all be over soon.

_ Stop. You are not allowed to die. Not yet. _

He whips around, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest.

It’s a Pokemon. It looks like the stuff of legends, a regal shield-shaped mane, blood red fur. 

Bede is normally too fatigued to feel anything these days, but he gets a spark of anger at this Pokemon’s words. Who is it to tell him how to live? Or die? He presses the razor deeper into his wrist.

_ Stop,  _ the Pokemon repeats.  _ There is a price for dying on my land. _

Bede stills.

The Pokemon stares into him.  _ You know the Wishing Stars,  _ it says.  _ Collect one thousand. There is an individual who recently passed on the territory my brother watches, in the same way you are attempting to right now. If you collect one thousand, you will save him.  _

Bede is still unmoving. The wolf almost appears to sigh.

_ And you can die,  _ it says.

Bede has questions. Many, many questions. But mostly, he is just tired. He’s also heard fearsome tales of legendary Pokemon. 

Yes, the fastest route to oblivion would just be to obey it.

He slumps. Tucks the razor in his pocket.

Satisfied, the beast takes a few steps back and braces itself. Then, it rams into the open air. It cracks and falls, creating a hole in its place.

Bede will not question it, does not question it. He sighs. Takes a step forward. And another. And a final one.

Everything turns to white.

  
  


\--

  
  


Hop feels the breeze through his hair and smells fresh grass all around him. He know he’s in Tuffield.

He looks around. There are only a couple people around, and one of them an old lady. He sincerely hopes no one saw him fall through.

_ Again, no reason to care,  _ the bitter part of him comments, and he has to agree. He takes a few steps out.

A red glow in the corner of his eye catches his attention. 

He scrambles to his feet and picks it up, carefully, reverently.

A Wishing Star. It’d barely been a minute.

Dazed, he pockets it, gently, carefully.

Maybe he does have a chance after all, is the last thing he thinks before his vision suddenly wobbles and fades.

\--

Bede has been wandering for an entire day.

Back when he had been doing grunt work for Chairman Rose, he would find nearly ten Wishing Stars in a day. It was boring, meticulous work, but at least he’d been  _ good  _ at it. 

What is  _ wrong  _ with this world that damned wolf sent him into? If Bede can’t find Wishing Stars, then are there Wishing Stars at all?

Stow-on-Side is dry and hot, and that on top of Bede’s heavy magenta jacket and the speck he just  _ can’t  _ seem to get out of his eye, Bede wants to scream.

He hates being uncomfortable. He’d wanted to die to  _ escape  _ feelings like this.

Tiredly, he raises a fist. Stupid wolf. Stupid deal. Stupid Wishing Star collecting. Everybody who wants Wishing Stars has a wish, and it’s never his. 

He’s suddenly very angry. He yells, and strikes down as hard as he can.

The space in front of him cracks and shatters.

It’s a rift in front of him. Bede has created a rift.

It shines blinding white. Curiously, Bede reaches one hand through it. He feels a cool breeze, and he lets his entire body fall through.

When he opens his eyes, he’s in Tuffield.

A cackle bubbles in the back of his throat. He laughs, hoarse and unfamiliar.

_ Maybe this won’t be so bad after all,  _ he thinks, as he raises his fist once more.

\--

  
  


Hop is in an orphanage, and the kids are laughing at him.

He doesn’t talk, they sneer. All he does his sit in a corner. He talks back; how rude. What a loser.

Hop would say that he’s not rude, he simply just does not have anything to say. The other kids at the orphanage are too loud, too much. He likes Pokemon much better, reading about them, studying them, being among them. Maybe what he wants is just to be left alone by other people for now, and maybe for one day another quiet, pleasant child to find him and strike up a pleasant conversation.

Hop does not say any of this, however, because he has never been in an orphanage. Nor has he been the type to sit in the corner, or talk back in short, rude responses.

No, none of this is anything Hop has ever experienced. He’s confused, and what he wants to say is Who are you? Why are you speaking to me this way? But his voice won’t work and in its place, silent tears fall down his cheek.

It truly feels lonely.

\--

In a deep corner of the Galarian Mines, Bede finally finds it.

It glows a faint red. It’s barely large enough to qualify as a Wishing Star, but Bede has been taking measurements for a long time now, and no matter how small this piece is it still counts as a Star. He picks it up and dusts it off. It shines like a treasure. It’s a reminder of all Bede has failed to do and failed in doing. 

He puts it in a large inner pocket of his jacket. He wouldn’t want it to get crushed, given how rare they seem to be, but he also wouldn’t mind if it ground itself into dust and blew away into nothing. 

  
  


\--

  
  


Hop wakes up. There are tears in his eyes. He’s still in Tuffield. The grandma is still knitting by her house. The girl is still on her morning walk.

Whose life did he just get sucked into?

  
  


\--

  
  


Your brother is incredible, Bede’s mother says.

I agree, Bede’s father agrees. He’s talented. And at such a young age, too.

What about me? Bede asks. Am I talented?

His parents do not answer. They are too busy fixating on the telly, watching a match of Bede’s brother. Their eyes and hearts will always be steered away, never completely facing him, because his brother is the sun and he is something slightly westward of it that does not exist. He will never be the first in their books, no matter how much Bede knows they love him. 

He is hurt. It is all he can feel.

\--

  
  


Hop finds himself in Monostoke. It might just be his imagination, but he feels like it’s a bit brighter in this world than in his. Maybe it’s the surplus of Wishing Stars?

He’s pondering this when he finds himself slamming face-first into someone.

He backs off and waves his hands awkwardly. “Oh, Arceus, I’m so sorry, I-”

It’s Milo. Hop freezes.

Milo looks frozen too, moreso than he is. Does he recognize him? Is there another him in this universe? Hop had never put too much thought to it, too busy caught up in his Wishing Star excitement, or maybe he just didn’t want to think about it. It was pretty terrifying, knowing that there were more yous, perhaps infinite yous. It sure made him feel more insignificant than he already did.

Milo seems to snap out of whatever trance he was in. “Oh, oh no, it’s fine,” he says. “You just… remind me of someone I used to know. A relative of a friend.”

_ Used to know.  _

“It’s okay, really,” Hop says, even though it really isn’t. “Um, yeah. Sorry for bumping into you.”

It’s awkward for a split second, and then Milo asks, “Sorry if this is kind of an intrusive question, but are you related to the former Champion in any way?”

Hop’s mouth feels dry. The lie feels uncomfortable on his tongue. “No, sorry.”

Milo nods. He looks just as downtrodden as Hop feels. “Oh, alright,” he says. “Sorry for botherin’ you. Have a nice day, though!”

The smile is back on Milo’s face. Hop tries to force one, too.

Afterwards, he bleaches his hair a stark white, and buys sunglasses to match. He hopes it’s enough.

\--

  
  


Bede wakes up. His head is spinning, his hands are trembling, his eyes are wet with unshed tears.

He wants to tear his heart out. It bleeds inside his chest with emotions that aren’t his. 

Bede has never known a mother or a father in his life. Rose came close, but close was all he came. Never enough to be an actual stand-in.

He’d never had a brother, either. He hates this feeling, this sorrow, for a situation he’d clearly never been in, a life he’d never had. For a second, a strike of envy hits him. At least that kid’d had a family at all.

Out of habit, his hands reach into his pocket for the Wishing Stars. He finds one, heavy and slightly warm to the touch.

What had caused that.. hallucination? This rock? 

If so, he wants to chuck it as far as he can.

_ Save it,  _ he chastises himself.  _ You want out of this hellhole.  _

The thought is enough for him to let the rock fall smoothly back into his pocket. He resents it. It’s a reminder of why he wants to leave and something he needs more of in order to leave. Isn’t it kind of funny?

_ No,  _ a voice in his head says. It sounds suspiciously like himself.

Bede raises a fist. He must tread on.

  
  


\--

  
  


Milo had looked so sad, Hop thinks, when he’d seen him. Like he was looking at a ghost. Of his dead mother, or something.

Was Hop really that close to him? Or maybe it was just out of pity, or concern through a friend. Milo had to be fairly close with Leon, after all. 

Or did he really have that much importance to people? Enough importance that at his death, people would-

_ Shut up,  _ he hisses to himself.  _ People don’t care. You know they don’t care. It’s fake, it’s fake, it’s all fake, it’s faker than the photoshoots Leon attends and the exhibition matches he has every year. It’s faker than his smile at charity events. It’s faker than your arrogance, your ‘talent’.  _

Again, in the corner of his eye, a dull red glow. There’s a newfound determination as Hop reaches for the rock.

He will not fail. 

\--

  
  


Bede walks out of the portal and into the lobby of Rose Tower. The person working at the register is typing something on the computer. Bede almost wishes she’d looked his way, because he wants to see the surprised look on her face and he also wants something to distract him from the fact that he wants to throw up very, very badly.

He hates this tower just as much as he hates collecting Wishing Stars and himself. If he didn’t know that legendary was watching him behind his back, he would have totally walked outside and jumped off, just out of spite.

He walks out anyway in the end, not out of spite but just because he knows there will be no Wishing Stars in an industrialized tower. Out on the patio in front of Rose Tower, he can see the view of the entire city, bright by its lights and the Galarian sunset. It’s rather ugly, all of it, isn’t it? A twisted kind of joy that hides and distracts from just how blank it really is. Where others see hope Bede sees a farce, a fake city built out of empty promises. Just like this entire region, just like the Gym Challenge, just like Rose. 

Suddenly, he notices something in the sky. A red streak, and it’s rapidly approaching, at that. Bede takes a couple steps back, and the mysterious  _ thing _ hits the grass harmlessly a couple meters in front of him.

Bede looks over at it curiously. Sure enough, it’s a Wishing Star.

Bede almost wants to laugh. Given how rare these damned Stars are in this world, for it to fall for him from the sky like that…

He really is lucky, huh?

_ That’s hilarious,  _ he laughs privately.  _ Rich, really. The gods take everything from you and smile on you in the form of these tickets to death.  _

He picks it up. It’s still warm. He doesn’t know why he expected it to be anything else.

He sticks it in his pocket. He’ll have to make another plan if he wants to get one thousand.

  
  


\--

Hop wakes up from the dream. 

It’s a happy memory this time, and yet it still hurts. 

He whispers a silent apology to the one he lives in through his sleep. He knows they won’t hear, but he whispers it nonetheless.

  
  


\--

I reckon you’ve grown… an inch and a half since I last saw you!

That’s what you said, last time, Bede thinks, and the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that one. How does Bede know that? He’s never met his brother before. He’s never met Leon before.

Bingo! he finds himself saying. It’s that sharp eye that’s kept you undefeated for so long, eh, Lee?

Bede knows he would never give someone a nickname as cheesy as Lee. And yet here he is, saying it, laughing it, knowing it.

Lee smiles back at him, and he takes Bede’s hand in his own.

Bede’s heart bleeds and bleeds, and dyes the wooloo fluff on his jacket bright, brilliant red.

  
  


\--

  
  


“Did you hear about the ex-Champion’s little brother?”

“I did, it was a shame, a shame.”

“Leon made a speech about it on Poketube. It’s got, like, five million views now, probably.”

“That’s because it’s heartbreaking. Can you believe it? The Gym Challenge broke a little boy to the point where he wanted to die. No wonder he condemned it.”

“‘Condemned’ is an extreme way to say it. I just think he doesn’t support it anymore.’”

“Is this really a time for him to play neutral? His brother died!”

“But you can’t deny the laughter the Gym Challenge brings. And the hope. Remember that one trainer? His parents had passed recently, and he had taken up the Gym Challenge to get out of the red? He’s somewhat famous now, you know.”

Hop can’t bring himself to listen anymore. He leaves.

\--

  
  


Collecting the Wishing Stars is a slow and steady process. Bede is somewhat grateful and someone furious. On one hand, he doesn’t have to deal with any of those stupid hallucinations very often.

(Especially since he’s pretty sure he knows who he’s hallucinating about now. The tear in his heart grows wider and wider. He tries not to think about it.) 

But each Wishing Star he does not have yet is another step on the long stairway down to nothingness.

He grits his teeth. He’s at five, now. Finally.

_ If it’s any consolation _ , he thinks to himself as he raises his arms,  _ at least he can punch holes in space now. _

\--

You have talent, the Chairman says to him. I think you’ll make a fine trainer one day, young man.

Hop gets handed a Pokeball.

It’s a Hatenna, the Chairman says. Take good care of it.

Hop cradles it to his chest like it’s the last thing he has. Maybe it is.

It hurts.

\--

“Pink!”

“Pink!”

“And more pink!”

Bede has never wanted to get out of something more in his entire life.

This old lady is examining his jacket like it’s the first time she’s ever seen it. It might actually be. The kind of jacket he has is rare and expensive, imported from Unova by Rose. The only reason he still wears it is because he’s rather fond of the color (and the amount of his body it covers). 

The old lady crinkles her eyes as she smiles at him. “You,” she says, “would be a perfect candidate as the next Gym Leader of Ballonlea.”

So that’s who she was. Bede thought she may have looked familiar. There’s a  _ but  _ in the air, though, and Bede has to say it. “But…?”

She shakes her head. If Bede didn’t know any better, he’d say she was disappointed. “You’re not of here,” she simply replies. “I wish I’d met the you who is.”

And she leaves. Bizarre, but Bede isn’t complaining when he notices there’s a shining red rock displayed nicely and neatly like a parting gift on a table at the corner cafe. 

\--

Come with me, Oleana says to him. I know of a way you can further serve the Chairman.

I won’t do anything the Chairman doesn’t want, Hop says, though what he is really thinking is Hey, I remember this Oleana girl. She was kind of mean.

The Chairman doesn’t know what he wants, Oleana smoothly replies, and Hop has no idea if she is lying to him anymore. You have to help him, guide him. What is the harm in this? All I need you to do is to go a little harder at gathering Wishing Stars. At this rate, the Chairman won’t have enough.

Hop’s chest feels empty. Who has taken his heart? Oleana? Or maybe it had already been gone for a while. Okay, he says, though he thinks, Snake. 

\--

  
  


Bede has to go throw up after that last vision.

He hates it. The inferiority. The loneliness.

He can’t believe he has to dodge things like that in real life only to be sprayed with them at full force in his dreams. He feels like a Boltund. His owner live in Hulbury, on one of the upper hills, and he’s dirty from a day of playing in mud. He gets hosed down, except instead of water he feels overwhelming expectation slam into his body.

_ What the fuck are you going on about?  _ The little Bede that lives in his head says to him. I don’t know, Bede doesn’t know, and the dreams must be driving him mad because he swears he’s never focused on the little person like that before, not even in a metaphor. He’s noticing things he doesn’t usually have to notice. 

He thinks of all the trainers he’d beaten and insulted.

Damn empathy. Damn feelings. 

Does he really need this, on top of everything else?

He almost reaches down to strike his pocket, and stops. He screams.

\--

Hop’s Hatenna looks at him sadly. You don’t feel things, Hop can imagine it saying. You barely feel anything. You won’t let yourself feel anything.

I am not a fan of emotions, but you are more empty than most. You distract yourself with this Trainer School the Rose man has sent you to. You distract yourself with arrogance. You distract yourself with Wishing Stars. 

Outwardly, you show nothing. Right now, you feel nothing. But I have been by your side on tumultuous nights where I have heard you wail and wail and wail over memories long buried, parents you never got to know. 

I know my parents, Hop thinks. Just who is the trainer of this Hatenna?

He stares and stares. He receives no answer. 

\--

Bede hates to admit it, but at a whopping eighteen hallucinations he is beginning to grow a little attached to this mystery trainer. 

He won’t deny that despite his constant ire at not finding enough Wishing Stars, it  _ is  _ a skill of his. Years behind the Chairman had proved that. The downfall of the skill, though, was apparently getting annoyingly persistent  _ feelings _ .

At first, he’d been annoyed. This trainer’s stupid idolation of their brother. Fooling themselves into thinking they were strong.

_ Awfully familiar, huh?  _ A voice in his head sing-songs. Bede stomps on the floor. A passerby gives him a weird look.

They’d grown on him, really. He finds himself feeling a bit fond of him. 

Protective, maybe?

Bede makes a fake-gagging motion, mostly to himself. Was this some kind of weird method of wish fulfillment? Be a guardian angel to the kid who reminds you of yourself! 

It was creepy. Especially since Bede can’t even interact with them in any kind of way. He doesn’t even know if these are memories of the past or happenings of the present.

_ You’re getting off topic. Get those Stars and get out. Are you really going to start going soft for some pathetic little follower?  _

Bede snaps back into reality. Right, right. His impending doom. This poor kid he sees himself in doesn’t have anything on that, unfortunately.

He sighs. Only some nine hundred more Wishing Stars to go.

\--

The Chairman cares about him. The Chairman needs him. 

Hop cries alone in his room. The thought is his only solace.

\--

  
  


Bede switches from angry to apathetic to angry and back again.

He gets angry over something, either over not finding enough Wishing Stars or the stupidly meek personality of the mystery trainer. He screams, jumps through a couple wormholes. Then it slowly fades back to apathy.

And then, another burst of anger.

It’s a tiring cycle, punctuated by little shots of satisfaction (usually when he finds a Star, or flips someone off), but not enough to overweigh the rest of it. 

He wishes it would be over.

_ The mystery trainer can never catch up, no matter how fast he runs, so he fools himself into thinking he is great because of the person he is chasing. _

_ Bede can never catch up (to who?) to Rose (why?) because there is nothing to catch up to. So he fools himself into thinking he is great because of the mirage he is chasing. _

Strangely, he feels a bit empowered by that. He covets the memory of the mystery trainer like a little orphan would covet a Stufful doll. 

A tiny warmth sprouts in him.

He can do this.

\--

Hop caves. He sneaks into the Monostoke Pokemon Center and turns on one of their public computers.

Hand shaking, he types.  _ Leon suicide brother speech. _

Thousands of results pop up, the first being a video. 

_ You can turn back now, you know,  _ he says to himself in a kind of desperate last stand.  _ You don’t have to watch this. You’re not even a part of this world. Just collect your darned Wishing Stars and go. _

He clicks. Leon is at a podium, the crowd clamoring, cameras flashing. 

All this for him. Hop feels a bit sick already.

“My brother,” Leon says. His voice is heavy. “Was the light of my life.”

That’s all Hop can manage. The crack in Leon’s voice -  _ light of my life -  _ and the glint in his eyes and the  _ emotion  _ in which he said  _ my brother, my brother,  _ because Hop was, oh god, Hop was-

_ You are not important.  _

Hop stops breathing. 

_ This isn’t even your world. And no matter how much he says he cares, well… _

_ This is posthumously.  _

Hop powers down the computer as fast as he can. He brings his knees in to his chest.

He cries.

\--

  
  


It’s best to quit while you’re ahead, someone sneers to Bede. All you’ll do at this point is drag your brother’s good name through the mud.

What kind of rubbish battle was that? Are you a child?

Bede cries, and only partially because his mystery trainer is crying too. The truth is that those words rang a bit too close to home. 

  
  


\--

  
  


Hop is getting better at collecting the Wishing Stars. He travels from Monostoke, to Hulbury, and back to Monostoke again. He finds at least thirty Wishing Stars over three days while combing the Wild Area. He has to buy a new backpack, too. The numbers are piling up. 

It’s a bit hard without his Pokemon, but Hop is good at running, not to mention the Cleffa plushies he’d bought with spare change at local Pokemon Centers. 

Even harder, however, is every memory he gets hit with when he gets a new one. 

They’re agonizing. He’s never not hurt, no matter how happy the memory, no matter how hopeful the scenario. When he wakes up, he finds a hole in his chest and pain where apathy should be. 

Again, and again, and again. He knows this other person scarily well, now. They were an orphan who never knew their parents. They had a patron sometime later on; sent to a prestigious trainer school where all they did was rise in the ranks. They’re kind, really kind, and they care a lot about their Pokemon, which makes Hop’s heart warm a little. They don’t like to show their emotions, and they hold their patron to such a high esteem that it hurts. 

_ I’m Lee’s number one fan, after all! _

Lee’s number one, the patron’s number one. 

Hop thinks that maybe in another world, they would’ve been great friends.

Not that there’s any use in thinking that now. He’s beginning to realize he hates possibilities, all of them. They whisper in his ear with tales of everything he doesn’t have.

It’s better to get this over as fast as possible. 

\--

Okay, so his mystery trainer has been bullied. Bede wants to cry whenever the memory resurfaces. 

He has no idea how many nights he has agonized, forced his back straight, lost his smile, all just to hold up an image that wouldn’t damage Rose.

A trainer Rose sponsored couldn’t afford to lose. Bede matched his image to the act. 

He really was right about this trainer being a wimp, though. He guesses he just couldn’t keep up the image enough.

_ How cruel. Is it fun? Pretending to be something you’re not? _

Bede ignores it. He should go buy a backpack. He’s in this for the long haul, anyway.

\--

Hop is running out of money for hotels, but he’d rather not stay in a hotel tonight anyway.

All he wants to do is cry. Really loudly. It’d be really embarrassing if someone next door heard.

He runs out into the Wild Area outside of Monostoke. It’s pouring. 

The sky cries along with Hop that night.

\--

Bede needs someone to talk to.

His best friend is off the table. She’s busy being a celebrity. His brother is off the table, too. He was the strongest trainer in Galar up until the day before, after all. 

And what is Bede? My greatest rival this, my brother that.

Nothing. He is nothing. Or maybe he’s even a parasite. He leeches off their fame and success.

He hadn’t wanted the thought to come up. He’d been actively pushing it out of his head for months now, but the minute he hears it, ringing across his skull, he feels disgusted with himself.

How dare he. How dare he be a stain on this world.

Bede needs someone to talk to.

\--

Does the trainer in Hop’s dreams get a happy ending?

If Wishing Stars can actually grant wishes, then Hop wishes for that, his own death slightly forgotten.

\--

Bede ties a friendship bracelet to the wrist of a Wooloo.

You know what this means, he says triumphantly. We’re gonna be best friends forever.

The Wooloo bleats. Bede’s heart swells. 

He’ll never be alone, as long as he has his Pokemon, huh? 

\--

It’s a nice day. Hop decides to go out for a day. He’s a bit tired. He’ll hit four hundred and fifty with just a couple more, but he may as well give himself a break. 

He passes a nearby cafe. There, a girl and her father are playing with a Wooloo. It has a bow in its hair.

Hop averts his eyes. Collecting Wishing Stars for a day is suddenly sounding much more appealing. 

\--

  
  


Bede, I’m busy, Bede’s nonexistent brother says.

I just want to help! Bede pleads. All you do nowadays is mope. Even at the Battle Tower, you… you never look completely happy!

His brother gives him a sad smile. Bede, you don’t have to worry. It’s not about the Championships anymore.

Like he’s silly for existing. That’s how Bede feels right now.

His parents give his brother concerned looks and supportive words, and Bede wonders what he did wrong.

\--

After he hits the five-hundred-Star mark, Hop starts getting a bit reckless. 

  
How can the world be so cruel? There’s no justice if someone as kind, as hardworking as his mystery trainer has to suffer through this forever.

He has to get more Stars. There has to be a happy ending in there somewhere.

\--

If Bede met himself, would he resent the child, or would he make sure he never turns out the way he did?

He would rather have that choice than what’s happening right now. At least then he could  _ do _ something. Now, he can only watch.

\--

  
  


It’s best to quit while you’re ahead, Hop sneers. All you’ll do at this point is drag your brother’s good name through the mud.

A boy is crying in front of him. Hop continues. What kind of rubbish battle was that? he jeers. Are you a child?

Stop, stop talking, Hop thinks. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Why do these words feel so familiar?

\--

He must really be good at what he does. Bede has surpassed the milestone of five hundred Wishing Stars.

By now, he knows the other trainer too well to be annoyed by them. They’re like a constant presence, a memory, an afterthought following his every action. 

They’re a bit comforting, too. Just a bit. In a weird, messed up way, it’s more fuel for Bede to go on. Justification for how much the world doesn’t care.

(They’re also comforting in an entirely different way, which Bede won’t admit. They make him feel like he cares again.)

He walks on down weary streets. Maybe he’ll get lucky, and another Wishing Star will fall today.

\--

It’s dark. In Hop’s peripheral vision, a large, luminescent green mushroom.

In front of him, a razor pressed to his wrist.

He breathes, in and out.

Stop, Hop thinks.

\--

Bede hits six hundred.

  
  


\--

  
  


Hop throws up.

A two-in-one, huh? Great. Now he knows who the one he respected so greatly is  _ and  _ he knows that fairy tale endings don’t exist after all.

(he’d rooted, he’d hoped,  _ he’d hoped  _ and he’d stupidly thought that was enough-)

He doesn’t want this anymore. He wants this to be over soon.

_ Please,  _ he thinks, hunched over a cold ceramic sink,  _ can a thousand Wishing Stars come to me quicker?  _

\--

Bede picks up a Wishing Star. Dusts it off. Puts it in his backpack.

This one feels a bit heavier than the others. He wonders why. 

He sits back on the grass. What will the next dream bring…?

\--

Someone bumps into Hop. He doesn’t notice. He’s in a haze. 

He can’t believe he’d let himself get attached to someone like that.

No, that’s not why he’s mad. He’s not mad at his mystery trainer (Bede, say his name), not at all. He’s mad at himself.

There’s really no one in this world who cares about him. Who views as an equal, a peer, someone they can relate to. There’s no one in either of the worlds he’s been to. 

He’s also mad at himself for resenting Bede. Who had really had it harder? Him, born into a loving, warm family? Or Bede, grown up in an orphanage, thrust into the world without a clue?

It swirls up inside of him, the hate. Yeah, that’s right. He thinks he may hate himself.

(He knows he’s gone way past the ‘may.’) 

\--

  
  


I reckon you’ve grown… an inch and a half since I last saw you!

Bede feels a pang through his heart. That’s what you said, last time, and the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that one. How does Bede even know that? He’s never met his brother before. 

Bingo! he finds himself saying. It’s that sharp eye that’s kept you undefeated for so long, eh, Lee?

Bede knows he would never give someone a nickname as cheesy as Lee. And yet here he is, saying it, laughing it, knowing it.

Lee smiles back at him, and he takes Bede’s hand in his own.

Bede’s heart bleeds and bleeds, and dyes the wooloo fluff on his jacket bright, brilliant red.

  
  


\--

_ Get up. Wishing Stars aren’t gonna collect themselves. _

Hop doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to touch another memory of that trainer. He wants to sit on the cold bathroom floor forever. He feels stupid for ever caring.

He’s already dead, anyway. The ‘mystery trainer’. It doesn’t matter what Hop thinks. 

But he’d hate it if he were alive, wouldn’t he? He would sneer down at Hop for ever trusting him. For thinking they were equals. For considering him a f-f-frie-

Hop no longer wants to think.

It’s true, though, isn’t it? Bede would hate Hop for being weak, for comparing himself to Bede, for all the feelings he’d felt before and after this whole quest for Wishing Stars started.

Hop feels a tear slide down his cheek. And another. And another. He pulls himself up to wash his face, and as he looks in the mirror he swears his tears are the same shade of dull red as the Wishing Stars. 

\--

Bede punches the air. It shatters. He jumps through it, and the scenery changes. He throws another punch, another leap, another punch, repeat.

Anything to escape the thrum of  _ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry  _ ringing in his ears.

Hop. Oh, Arceus, the big brother he’d looked up to in those dreams was Lee - Leon - because of course it was. And he’d bullied Hop, and if this entire Wishing Star collecting thing meant anything then-

_ There is an individual who recently passed on the territory my brother watches, in the same way you are attempting to right now. If you collect one thousand, you will save him.  _

The guilt and fear claw at Bede’s chest. He stops, and intakes several deep breaths. 

He’d lived through Hop. He knew him. Over seven hundred little flashes of his life had given Bede more insight than he ever thought he’d have.

He’ll save Hop. He’ll do whatever it takes. 

\--

Wouldn’t it be wrong for him not to die at this point?

\--

_ I’m sorry,  _ Bede says, over and over like a prayer. I’m sorry.

WIth every Star he collects, every memory with either joy or tears or frustration that hits him, he grows more determined.

If Bede met himself, would he resent the child, or would he make sure he never turns out the way he did?

It turns out the answer had been there all along. He’d hate him. Bede had hated Hop. It had grown from some kind of indifference to a burning anger, because this boy claiming to be the next Champion (who was endorsed by the current Champion) was actually just weak and cowardly. 

He’s awful. He must rectify that.

\--

Would you be sad if I died? Hop asks his Pokemon.

His Hattrem trills. Of course, stupid. Why wouldn’t I miss you?

But why would you miss me? Hop asks. I’m a horrible trainer. I lie to everyone. I lie to myself. I lie to you. Even the Chairman disowned me, and now there is no one. Can’t you leave?

Do you want me to leave? his Hattrem asks. Is this some kind of weird self-destructive thing? Are you trying to test my patience?

Hop rubs his eyes. His sleeves come off wet. Well, what if I am? Would you leave?   
  


The Hattrem considers for small second. Then, it says, Of course not. Why would I?

Hop sniffles. Because I feel too much. 

Oh, the Hattrem says. Well, that’s no reason to abandon someone.

They sit in silence. The Hattrem speaks again. Are you concerned that you are worthless? Because you are not.

You’re making no sense, Hop says

You are not worthless, the Hattrem affirms. Because you are Hop. That is simply who you are. All the beings in the world cannot fill up the space you leave behind. You know that, right?

Hop buries his head in his arms.

Yeah, he whispers. I do.

\--

  
  
  


“A busy lad, eh?” A passing lady remarks. “What are you doing so hurriedly? Take your time, smell the flowers!”

Bede is almost tempted to ignore her. But then, she calls after him again. “You youngsters! You all move like you’re almost out of time. Act your age, won’t you?”

Bede’s heart is stricken by a feeling he can’t identify. He stops, if only just for a millisecond, and then keeps on walking.

\--

Hop clicks on the video again. He doesn’t know why. He just feels lost, and he doesn’t know how to move forward. This is the only thing he can think of doing.

He skips ahead to later in the video after Leon says  _ My brother was the light of my life -  _ he can’t stand hearing it, and he definitely doesn’t want to hear what comes after.

  
  
  


At the five minute mark, Leon is still talking. His eyes are a bit red, and the crowd is solemnly silent. “He was so  _ unique,  _ so special,” video-Leon chokes out. “There wasn’t anyone like him. All the people in the world can’t replace the space my brother left behind.”

Hop blinks rapidly.

“It wasn’t completely… the fault of the League Challenge. It was also my fault, and my parents’ fault, and my family’s fault, and I’ll never completely forgive us. But this says something about the Challenge. It pushes children like my brother to think they are less than they are just because they can’t win enough strategic brawls with creatures that are supposed to be their friends, and I think that’s messed up.”

Hop feels a hot tear  _ plip  _ on his hand.

“I should have never become Champion. This is difficult for me to say, but I believe that me becoming Champion proved that worth was measured by battle skill. And that is the wrong thing to prove.

“I hope you’re all ashamed. I’m ashamed. And I hope nobody else’s family ever has to go through what I’m going through right now. Goodbye.”

\--

He misses it. Bede misses having a family. He misses living in the wind and grass of Tuffield, he misses trudging through the Wild Area, he misses the business and antiquity of Hammerlock. He misses laughing and smiling and feeling that maybe tomorrow will bring something.

Some of these things are things he has never experienced before. And yet, he still misses them.

_ Thanks to Hop. You miss the family and the laughter you lived through in Hop.  _

He misses living. He has never lived before. Is this a contradiction? He laughs. Not anymore, thanks to that crazy wolf. That crazy wolf and this crazy situation. The damn wolf. The damned Wishing Stars. Yes,  _ damned,  _ cursed as they were, because Bede is stricken with conflict he hasn’t felt since he was ten and alone, all alone in his tiny dorm room at that oh-so-prestigious training school in Wyndon.

What does he deserve? This? He killed the boy and the boy afflicts him with the disease called  _ feeling _ . It’s a curse and a blessing, a curse and a blessing, a blessing and a curse.

He notices he’s walking. Numbly, he spots a Wishing Star, beautiful and red and  _ soft _ . He doesn’t remember commanding his body to, but he bends down and picks it up.

He will be hit with another memory soon. He hopes it’s the one where Hop lives.

\--

Hop lays on the ground in a field. He thinks he’s in Tuffield, because he can feel the wind on his face, or maybe it’s scratchy artificial grass in Wyndon, and the wind is really just the aftermath of cars passing fast, like flashes on the road. He doesn’t care.

He lies there for a long, long time.

\--

There is a pool. Bede feels himself steel himself, in, out, his breath goes. And he falls - jumps? - in. It’s a deliberate action, but with a defeated kind of motion.

The world goes black.

\--

He hits one thousand.

Of course, somewhere along the line he had gotten up from his patch of grass and begun walking along, wandering. But he picks up every Wishing Star he can find.

He understands what the wolf meant, now. Bring him back to life. 

One his one thousandth star, there’s no change, exactly. He just feels a tiny ping in his chest and realizes that maybe, maybe, he’s finally hit his milestone.

His backpack is heavy and warm. He pats it a few times. It’s time to get out of here, isn’t it?

It’s just now that he notices his surroundings. The Slumbering Weald. And the heart of it, at that.

It’s peaceful. The leaves shine gold and the water is so clear. The leaves swish a little, whistling- no, howling. Like the wolf.

There’s a rusted sword lying in the middle of the little ancient gazebo in front of him. He walks forward, step one, step two…

He picks up the sword. Somehow, by instinct, perhaps, he lifts it and slashes the air. A hole cuts itself neatly into the air.

Hop smiles, tired, relieved, glad, and leaps through with one swift jump. The hole seals itself neatly shut, and the only sound left is the peaceful rustling of beautiful, golden leaves. 

\--

Bede… also hits one thousand.

Hop is dead, he knows it. But he… 

Well, he wanted to feel more, at first, selfishly, but then he remembered the wolf’s words.

He picks up after that. If Wishing Stars are so easy, then he can bring him back. He can bring Hop back. 

He doesn’t realize hitting one thousand, but as he punches another rift into the open air of Stow-On-Side he realizes that the scenery on the other side isn’t a location in Galar, but just… the beautiful night sky. Shining with a thousand twinkling stars.

He jumps in without a second thought. The hole closes behind him, and Stow-On-Side goes on, as if he were never there at all. 

\--

They stare at each other. 

It’s Bede who speaks first. His voice is watery. “Hop?”

Hop looks to be in a trance. His face is still, his eyes are still, everything is still. They appear to be in the highest floor of Rose Tower, but the floor underneath them is clear and the globe above them is clear and all around them is just stars, stars, stars.

Bede doesn’t say anything again; instead, just looks away, obviously ashamed. The two stay like that for a while.

A soft howl alerts them. They flick their heads over to see two wolves, one bearing a sword and one bearing a shield. 

Bede immediately turns. “Is he back? Is this him?”

The wolf with the sword shakes its head slowly. “Your Hop will not come back.”

“My Hop? What do you mean?”

“The Hop from your universe is dead. It was his memories you saw.”

Bede almost looks like he wants to punch another rift. “But you said. I could bring him back.”

The wolf is very still for a moment. Then, it continues. “It was an omission of information. I’m sorry to say it, but we are not gods, as much as Galar would hope to believe. We cannot bring beings back from the dead.”

“Then what was all this for?!”

The wolf is silent. Nods over to the boy standing adjacent to Bede. Then, ducks back as regally and gracefully as it conducts its other movements.

Bede looks over at Hop. “...What…”

Hop looks up at Bede all of the sudden. His eyes seem to have a hint of a spark in them. “My memories. You say you saw them?”

“Y-yeah, I did.”

Hop’s eyes lose the light again. The wolf with the shield steps up, then. “Hop,” it says. “Your line of thinking is correct.”

“What?” Bede interjects.

It continues. “We showed you each the memory of the departed other. Don’t you remember? Our deal?”

Save him. That was it.

Hop looks up again. He’s breathing heavily. “Wait… then… oh.”

Bede’s heart is pounding a million miles a minute. Live. Incentive to live. To live for the other.

“Wait,” Bede says. “So, we each go back to our respective worlds? That’s it?”

The underlying message was clear. Will we ever see each other again? After all we did?

The wolves’ silence speaks volumes. Bede starts up again. “B-but… What about our original deal? Is it really incentive to live, or are we just living in someone’s shadow? What if we still want to-?”

He stops himself. The wolves seem to understand. Hop does, too.

“Bede,” he says. “I think… I think I do want to live.”

Bede is taken back. “What?”

“I want to change things. The system. I want to make a change. And… you’ve… you’ve taught me a lot. And besides, I think…” He rubs his neck. “I think at this point, we’d just be being stubborn if we followed through. I never wanted to die, I think. I just wanted to be happy.”

Bede opens his mouth, but Hop just continues. “And I’m not trying to make your emotions or motives seem smaller, it’s just… after all this? After seeing all the things you saw? Isn’t there at least a little spark?”

There’s no response from Bede. Hop seems to be finished with his speech. The wolves stare.

Hop opens his mouth, and then closes it. And then, as if deciding he doesn’t need permission, he opens it again. “Goodbye,” he says, and it’s soft and warm. Like a wish.

Bede is dumbfounded. Then, before he can process it, a portal opens underneath him.

The last thing he sees is the image of the two wolves. Sword and shield. Two symbols, and perhaps two sides of a coin, if one thought hard enough?

\--

The telly is on. One fifteen-year-old John Simmons sits on his bed. There’s a respirator on the desk in easy reach, just in case. He’s never been a healthy child, never will be, but they’ve allowed him to move out of the hospital in the past years. He can finally be at home now, though he can’t have a Pokemon yet.

On the television, a young man with striking framed glasses and a neat purple haircut is shaking hands with important-looking people. The headline reads, DR. SINGH FINALLY PASSES REFORMS ON GYM CHALLENGE.

Apparently, it’s less competitive now, something that John’s heard a lot of protest against. They’re also trying to establish a more friendly environment by limiting social media coverage of the event. They’re going ‘local’, as John has heard some news stations say.

He’s heard a lot about the Challenge over the years. Starting from Ex-Chairman Rose’s arrest all the way to the start of the reforms. His perception of it has gone from heroic to grisly as the years went by, but he thinks that having a clear picture, albeit an uglier one, isn’t all that bad. Especially since Hop Singh is on it with reforms now. 

There’re two tabs on John’s computer at his side, one news article about the reforms and what they mean politically and another about starters that are safer for children with respiratory complications. It was also written by Hop Singh. 

And for a second, John thinks back to when he was ten and in the hospital. The Gym Challenge still ruthless, and his health complications throwing a further wrench in the matter.

What would have happened? 

**Author's Note:**

> you can tell at exactly what point i stopped and picked it up again because the writing style changed drastically
> 
> i'm ok btw just in case anyone feels the need to ask!! i write this when im feeling lonely


End file.
